Godly Discipline

The subject that I would like to dive into in this study is godly discipline. I believe that this is an important topic, because it ultimately impacts the life and eternal destinies of children. When children are raised without the application of godly discipline, they tend to travel down paths that harm them and lead them away from God, which will have eternal consequences. However, when corrected and instructed in God’s ways, a child is more likely not to stray from the path and the source of life: “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.”[1] This topic is also important for my life and ministry because I am currently a youth worker where I am influencing the lives of young people. What I learn through this study will be applicable both now, and in the future.

I would like to begin by taking a look at what the Bible has to say about the topic of discipline. First, the Bible is clear that God expects parents to discipline their children because “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; [but] the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.”[2] In Proverbs 23:13-14, parents are commanded to discipline their children: “Do not hold back discipline from the child, although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. You shall strike him with the rod and rescue his soul from Sheol.”[3] The second important point to understand is that purpose of this discipline is not to harm the child, but rather to correct them and to help them to live in the fear of the Lord. In the epistle to the Ephesians, Paul urges the fathers in the church to “not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”[4] Finally, it is essential to know that godly discipline is always motivated by love: “He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.”[5]

Godly discipline is essential for several reasons. First, godly discipline helps to give children an accurate understanding of how they should relate to their heavenly Father, and how he relates to them: “My son, do not reject the discipline of the LORD Or loathe His reproof, For whom the LORD loves He reproves, Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.”[6] Motivated by his love for us, God disciplines us when we sin. Our appropriate response is to repent and amend our ways. In this way, it may be seen that discipline is important for shaping a child’s character and teaching him the right way to go. When a child rightly responds to correction, it yields understanding, wisdom, knowledge, righteousness, peace, holiness, and honor. Ultimately, discipline is important because it results in godliness, which has value now and in the age to come, as seen in Paul’s charge to Timothy: “discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness, for… godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.”[7]

Unfortunately, the godly discipline that children need is quite rare in our society today. In his book, Bringing Up Boys, Dobson explains why this is the case. In the Victorian era, discipline was oppressive and strict as a result of the “belief that children were miniature adults who needed to be whipped into shape, beginning shortly after birth and continuing well into young adulthood.”[8] This harsh discipline caused a reversal in the disciplinary practices of parents by the late fifties and early sixties. Dobson records that during this time, parents became “decidedly permissive” and leaned towards a ‘child-centered’ approach which “tended to undermine authority and create some little terrors at home.”[9] These little terrors grew up and passed their permissive disciplinarian techniques on to their children. This third generation, Dobson records, “is even more unfamiliar with traditional principles of child rearing.”[10] The rampant evil and godlessness in our society today is a direct result of this lack of godly discipline in the home.

Given the discipline crisis in the lives of young people today, introducing and applying godly discipline in the context of youth ministry is essential. In his book, Purpose-Driven Youth Ministry, Doug Fields explains that youth ministers who apply love and limits in their students’ lives can make a positive difference. He cites a study that analyzed different types of parenting styles. The most successful young people were raised by authoritative parents who “didn’t shrink from enforcing the rules, but enforced them with love and understanding.”[11] The second most successful group was children who were raised in a laissez fair environment, which was low in support and control. This lack of support and control drove the children living in this sort of environment to go elsewhere to get their needs met–to friends, gangs, teams, etc. Fields writes that “If children raised without love or limits are driven to surrogates who will give them what they need, then youth workers can fill a strategic void and powerfully influence them.”[12] Applying godly discipline in the youth context is extremely important for children, especially those who come from broken families.

In my research, I found several principles that can be applied in the youth ministry. The first is articulated in the article “Godly Discipline Really Works.” It states, “Never discipline a child when reacting emotionally in anger to his or her words or behavior.”[13] When a child is exposed to discipline in the context of anger, it produces fear and wounds their spirit. Discipline must be administered calmly and communicate love. A second principle that can be applied is to “Be proactive with boundaries and consequences instead of reacting emotionally to a child’s misbehavior.”[14] Fields recommends that youth workers “Make the consequences appropriate and known ahead of time.”[15] This means that rules must be established and communicated up front, as well as the consequences for deliberate disobedience. Fields suggests that these rules be explained and stated positively.[16] A third principle that was common in my research was to “Minimize your warnings for misbehavior.”[17] Rev. Broekhuizen warns against multiple warnings for children, which he calls “the moveable goal line,” because it undermines the authority of those in charge.[18] Disciplinary action must be taken immediately following an episode of disobedience. Finally, it is important for youth workers to not just focus on wrong behavior, but also to “focus on how the child can change both attitudes and actions in order to correct themselves.”[19] These principles, if applied in the context of youth ministry, can help conform students’ character to the image of Christ and help them to stay on the narrow path.

As previously mentioned, I am working in the youth ministry at my church and helping to lead the youth group. In the past, we have had problems with discipline. After doing this research, I see that we need to come up with specific rules and consequences as a leadership team. Then, we need to make sure that they are clearly communicated to the students. If a student then chooses to disobey the rules, we need to quickly administer discipline in a calm and loving way. Our discipline needs to be consistent, and for the purpose of correction, so that our authority is not undermined and the discipline is effective in shaping the students’ character and actions. By applying the principles of godly discipline in the context of youth ministry, we have the opportunity to make a significant difference in the lives of the young people God has placed in our care, by giving them the love and limits that they so desperately need.

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 Works Cited

Dobson, Dr. James. Bringing Up Boys: Practical Advice and Encouragement for those Shaping the Next Generation of Men. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc, 2001. Print.

Fields, Doug. Purpose-Driven Youth Ministry: 9 Essential Foundations for Healthy Growth. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1998. Print.

“Godly Discipline Really Works.” Godly Discipline Really Works. Accessed November 25, 2014. http://www.2equal1.com/advice/godly-discipline-really-works/.

New American Standard Bible. Anaheim, CA: Foundation Publications, 1996. Print.

[1] Proverbs 22:6 (NASB), [2] Proverbs 22:15 (NASB), [3] Proverbs 23:13-14 (NASB), [4] Ephesians 6:4 (NASB), [5] Proverbs 13:24 (NASB), [6] Proverbs 3:11-12 (NASB), [7] 1 Timothy 4:7-8 (NASB), [8] Dobson, Dr. James, Bringing Up Boys, 228., [9] Ibid, [10] Ibid, [11] Fields, Doug. Purpose-Driven Youth Ministry, 330., [12] Ibid, [13] “Godly Discipline Really Works.” 2014. http://www.2equal1.com/advice/godly-discipline-really-works/., [14] Ibid, [15] Fields, Doug. Purpose-Driven Youth Ministry, 336., [16] Ibid, 335., [17] Ibid, 339.,[18] Dobson, Dr. James. Bringing Up Boys, 235, [19] “Godly Discipline Really Works.” 2014. http://www.2equal1.com/advice/godly-discipline-really-works/.

Gender Roles and Sexism

“The state of human sexuality today is like a play in which the cast is in rebellion against the playwright and his story,” Joshua Harris writes. “Imagine the chaos,” he continues: “The actors hate him. They reject their roles and mock the script. To show their contempt, some refuse to read their lines. Other actors switch their roles and costumes to confuse the plot. Still others read their parts out of place, slur their lines, and lace them with obscenities.”[1]

This lively metaphor describes the confusion in our culture today about gender roles, which is a significant problem facing both the church and society. The seriousness of this issue demands that the church respond both faithfully and biblically to the chaos, and to stand as the pillar of truth and light in the midst of this present darkness.

What does it mean to be a man? This is a question that has been asked through the ages, but the answer to the question depends on who you ask. If you ask our culture, “What does it mean to be a man?” you will find the answer broadcasted on television shows and advertisements. James Dobson paints a picture of a commonly used scenario:

“The formula involves a beautiful woman (or a bevy of them) who is intelligent, sexy, admirable, and self-assured. She encounters a slob of a man, usually in bar, who is a braggadocio, ignorant, balding, and overweight. The stupid guy, as I will call him, quickly disgraces himself on screen, at which point the woman sneers or walks away.”[2]

These depictions teach us that to be a man is to be passive, immature, irresponsible, weak-willed, self-centered, and foolish. Is this really the image of manhood that we would like to convey to our young men?

Womanhood is likewise obscured and ridiculed in our culture today. What does it mean to be a woman? The film industry communicates to us through movies like Charlie’s Angels that to be a woman is to be aggressive and masculine, cold and calculating.[3] Popular culture would like us to believe that to be a woman is to be a sexualized object, whose only value is found in her outward appearance and sexuality. If you watch the television for a few minutes, observe the billboards on the highway, or briefly flip through a magazine, you will find that, all too often, the products that are being advertised are not being sold by the product’s own merit, but by the woman’s face and body. What a terrible message about womanhood to pass on to our daughters.

The devastating toll that these cultural images of manhood and womanhood take on individuals, marriages, families, and society is appalling. On the individual level, we can see the damage it has wrought in the lives of countless young girls who thought that they had to have sex with a boy to be wanted and beautiful, only to be abandoned by the very same irresponsible young man who left them wounded, impregnated and alone. These young, single mothers are then left with the difficult task of raising a child by themselves. As a result, thousands of children are being raised in broken homes, where they oftentimes do not receive the love, attention, and positive modeling of manhood and womanhood that they so desperately need. Consequently, they fall into the same ways of thinking as their parents before them, leading to the further degradation of families. By destroying individuals and families, the models of manhood and womanhood espoused by our culture threaten to undermine the foundation of our entire society.

The gender roles embraced by our culture are far removed from the Creator’s original intentions. God purposely created the different sexes, equal in value and dignity, but with unique roles to fill: “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”[4] God formed Adam from the dirt and then fashioned Eve from Adam’s side to be his helper. To the woman, God gave the privilege of child-bearing, a task for which women are uniquely suited. Dr. James Dobson writes

“The female temperament lends itself to nurturance, caring, sensitivity, tenderness, and compassion…the precise characteristics needed by their children during their developmental years…Men, on the other hand, have been designed for a different role. They value change, opportunity, risk, speculation, and adventure. They are designed to provide for their families physically and to protect them from harm and danger.”[5]

Each of the sexes was thoughtfully crafted by the Creator to become “one flesh” in marriage and to fulfill the mandate to “Be fruitful and multiply, to fill the earth and subdue it.”[6]

The gender roles assigned in Genesis continue to have relevance today, despite what popular culture might say. Paul writes that the marriage relationship is a model of Christ’s relationship to the church. Husbands are to be “the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church” and “as the church is subject to Christ…the wives ought to be to their husbands.”[7] Within the context of this structure, men and woman have different roles: men are to love their wives with a sacrificial Christ-like love, and women are to respect and respond to their husband’s leadership, as to the Lord. These roles are essential because they contribute to the development of healthy marriages and families, and they glorify God by pointing to his greater salvific plan.

Clearly, would not be right for the church to simply go along with the cultural tide. But how should the church respond faithfully respond to this crisis? We must respond by exposing the culture’s conception of manhood and womanhood, and replacing it with that of the Creator. These efforts may start in the pulpit, but they must spill over into the home, for that is the central training ground for the next generation. Parents must learn to what extent they themselves have conformed to the culture’s definition of manhood and womanhood, and begin to reorient their lives around the biblical roles for men and women. They must actively protect their children from the harmful influences of the media by screening what they see and hear, and by training them to identify and reject the sexism in our society. By faithfully conforming to God’s design, the church will stand against, and provide an alternative to, the corruption of our sin-sick society.

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Works Cited

Dobson, Dr. James C. Bringing Up Boys: Practical Advice and Encouragement for Those Shaping the next Generation of Men. Wheaton, IL.: Tyndale House Publishers, 2001.

Harris, Joshua. Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship. Sisters, OR.: Multnomah Publishers, 2000.

New American Standard Bible. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1999.

[1] Harris, Boy Meets Girl, p. 109., [2] Dobson, Bringing Up Boys, pg. 163., [3] Ibid, pg. 165., [4] Genesis 1:27 (NASB),[5] Dobson, Bringing Up Boys, p. 27.,[6] Genesis 1:28 (NASB),[7] Ephesians 5:23-24 (NASB)